


A Parents Best Dream

by FloralEyeBalls



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexual Patrick Stump, Christmas, Christmas Sweaters, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Meeting the Family, Pete is clueless, agnst, creepy Craigslist ads, fake dating au, patricks mum is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5503616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralEyeBalls/pseuds/FloralEyeBalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"For $20 an hour I will come to your family Christmas and be whoever you want me to be. Message for details." </p>
<p>Patrick needed a date to impress his family, Pete needed a family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Parents Best Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I did it! a Christmas fic before Christmas! it's a miracle!

"For $20 an hour I will come to your family Christmas and be whoever you want me to be. Message for details." 

Patrick read the post on Craigslist and immediately stopped his aimless scrolling, something about the vagueness of it intrigued him to the point that he read it about fifteen times. 

"Be whoever you want me to be." Patrick read out loud to himself, he wanted to meet this person who basically sold themselves into improvised acting. And he hated to admit it but he also kind of needed someone to take to his family Christmas. The last few years his mum had been pretty pushy with the idea that he needed to "find a nice girl and settle down" despite the fact that he was openly bi and only twenty one. 

Patrick decided that just coming right out with "I can't go home for Christmas without a date again, my whole family makes fun of me every year please be my really hot perfect boyfriend?" would be a bit too much, so he settles for "interested in ur service. details?" 

He immediately received a reply, "Pete. 25. professional parent's worst nightmare. will do most things for a free meal." 

"Can you be a parents best dream?" 

"How good is ur mums xmas dinner? I have tattoos covering both arms but I can wear a sweater I guess. " 

"Good enough to wear a sweater for." And just like that, Patrick apparently had a shiny new boyfriend to show off at his family Christmas. 

When it came to actually meeting his "boyfriend" the worry set in. What if this was a scam and he was going to get mugged and left to die alone on Christmas Eve? What if "Pete" was really his friend Joe being an ass and making fun of how desperate Patrick was being? Surely that would be worse than a cold, lonely death. 

As Patrick sat in the campus coffee shop, nervously thinking up different ways this could go wrong, Pete walked in, half as nervous and twice as cold. 

"Patrick?" He asked as he took the seat next to him. "Hi, sorry I'm late, I forgot my jacket then went back to get it but my roommate was...busy, so here I am! Wearing a sleeveless shirt in a Chicago December." Pete laughed and rubbed his bare arms. 

'Wow okay...thanks for your life story', Patrick thought but his mother raised him better than that so he started with, "Hi, Pete right? You want something to warm you up?" 

"Yeah that would be great actually, I'll get it." He stood up to go to the counter, "You want anything?" 

"Just black coffee thanks." Patrick smiled, he was maybe a little harsh at first, this Pete guy seems alright. 

When Pete returned with drinks he didn't skip around the subject of importance, "So why do you want to hire a random guy to come to your family's Christmas?" 

"Why are you selling yourself as a Christmas dinner prostitute?" Patrick countered. 

"I asked first." 

"Fine." Patrick sighed, "Every year I get shit for being single and I've told my family I'm bi but they just ignore it and keep asking when I'm going to 'settle down with a nice girl' or 'bring home the lucky lady' and I'm sick of it. So I need you to show them that I can settle down just fine with whoever I want, whenever I want." 

"Okay well that sounds exciting as fuck, I'm in." 

"Why?" Patrick asked.

"Because I love free food, money, and other people's family drama" 

Patrick couldn't really argue with that. 

"Okay so I'll pick you up on Christmas then?" 

"Sounds like a plan, I'll wear my nice boy clothes." Pete smiled.

"And don't forget your jacket!" 

Pete did forget his jacket and had to wear one of Patrick's many grandma-made Christmas sweaters.

"Why do you keep like four sweaters in your car, man?" Pete asked as he pulled on a sweater at least two sizes too big. It had a big, shakily knitted reindeer on the front. 

"You never know when they'll come in handy!" Patrick defended his car. It was like his version of an overly prepared mothers handbag, full of everything from sweaters to snacks. 

"I don't know what kind of emergency would call for this." Pete smirked and pointed to his sweater. 

"Hey, my granny knitted that!" 

"Is she blind?" 

"A little...don't say it to her face though." Patrick pulled the car into the driveway of his parents house and took a deep breath, "Actually, don't say anything to anyone okay?" 

"Are you ashamed of me, baby?" Pete pouted.

"No I'm ashamed of my family." 

"Hey man, I'm sure it'll be fine! I'll do my best to be an apple-pie boyfriend." 

"No matter how apple-pie you are, you're still a boyfriend." 

"But you're already out aren't you?" 

"Yeah but as soon as I said "bisexual" I think they heard "experimenting". This will kind of make it real for them, you know?" 

"Yeah and that's not a bad thing right? They need to understand that you're serious about dating boys or girls." Pete spoke passionately in a way that led Patrick to believe he was speaking from experience. "Come on, they'll think we're getting it on if we sit in the car any longer." 

Patrick grimaced and quickly got out of the drivers seat, Pete followed with a bunch of red flowers wrapped in Christmas ribbon. 

"I can't believe you bought flowers for my mum! I've never bought flowers for my mum." 

"Yeah well I've got to get on her good side. She already loves you." Pete stood awkwardly behind Patrick as they waited for the door to be opened. He knew it was stupid but he kind of felt a lot of pressure, like it was real. He wanted to impress Patrick's family, he wanted to impress Patrick. 

"Patty!" Patrick was pulled into a bone crushing hug as soon as the door opened, "Oh honey you look so thin! Are you eating? Are you warm enough? Did you get my care package?" 

"Mum!" Patrick blushed, "I'm fine, you saw me like two weeks ago." 

"Shush, I'm your mother. And this must be Peter?" She turned her attention to Pete and he swallowed hard and tugged the sleeves of his sweater down to self consciously cover his tattoos. 

"Just Pete is fine, Mrs Stump. I thought you might like some flowers for the table?" 

"Oh honey! You're so sweet!" She took the flowers and hugged Pete before hugging Patrick again and letting them in. "You two go mingle, I'm just getting some snacks done okay? And Patrick, make sure you introduce Peter to everyone." 

On the way to the living room Patrick gave Pete a look to let him know that that went better than he expected, Pete smiled, losing his nerves. 

As soon as they walked into the living room it felt like all eyes were on them, Pete lightly brushed his hand against Patrick's, a silent question. Patrick understood and linked his fingers through Pete's. 

"Patrick! Are you re-gifting my Christmas sweaters now?" Came a teasing voice from the sofa. 

"Grandma, no of course not, Pete just forgot-" 

"I just love wearing it, it's so soft and comfortable. He can't get it off me." Pete laughed, he was obviously more relaxed than Patrick. 

"Well I'll have to make you your own! You must be Peter? Patricia told us all about you."

"Oh really? Good things I hope?"

"Of course! We're so happy Patrick finally brought a date to Christmas, every year he comes alone and gets all mopey when someone asks about his love life."

"Grandma!" Patrick blushed again, why do his family insist on telling everyone how much of a loser he is? 

"Aww Pat!" Pete cooed and rocked their joined hands back and forth. Patrick just blushed harder. 

After a lot more introductions, and a lot more blushing, it's was time for the Christmas meal. Pete and Patrick were seated next to each other and across from Patrick's brother and his girlfriend. 

It was Patrick's brother that did most of the interrogating. 

"So Peter, how did you guys meet?" 

"Just Pete is fine." Pete said for about the thirtieth time, no one was listening though. "Ah we met at college, I'm a political science major and I always used to see Patrick studying in the cafe and he just looked so cute, so I bought him a coffee and yeah...that's how it started" 

"So you liked him solely based off of physically appearance?" 

"What?! No I mean-"

"Stop being a dick." Patrick said, "Pete's nice." 

"Patrick, watch your mouth! And Kevin, stop being a dick. I like Pete, he's cute." Patrick's mother jumped in on instinct to stop an oncoming argument. 

Pete smiled proudly, no matter if it wasn't real, it still felt good to be liked by someone's mum. 

"I'll help with the washing up!" Pete offered as soon as he saw Mrs Stump stand up after everyone ate far too much turkey. 

"Oh honey you don't have to, you're a guest. Kevin can do it." She waved him off with a sweet smile. 

"No it's fine really, it's the least I can do." Pete said, already collecting dishes from the large wooden table centred with the flowers he bought. 

"Why can't you be more like Peter?" She directed at Kevin as he flung peas from his spoon into his unimpressed girlfriend's hair. 

After Patrick and Pete helped unset the table, Patricia suggested that Patrick go and socialise with the family seeing as he hasn't been able to see them that much with finals and all. 

After he had left she turned to Pete with a sly smile, "He really likes you, I can tell. He doesn't bring many people home. I think he thinks we're homophobic or something, we're not." 

"He thinks you might not be okay with him settling down with a guy..." Pete admitted, he probably had no right to but he felt so comfortable with Mrs Stump. 

"Oh honey, that's not true. I would love grandbabies but more than that I want him to be happy. I just forget to ad "or a nice boy" sometimes when I'm hounding him to introduce me to his latest love." 

"Maybe you should explain that to him?" 

"I defiantly will now that I know. Thank you for telling me. You seem like a lovely boy Peter, I'm happy he introduced us to you." She loving rubbed his arm and smiled, and Pete felt like crying. This lady was honestly nicer to him than his own mother and he was standing in her house on Christmas lying to her face. "Are you introducing him to your parents tonight?" 

And that was what finally pushed Pete over the edge, he had been holding back thoughts of his own family all day and attempting fool himself into believing that any of this was real, that he could have a beautiful boyfriend and a loving family. 

"What's wrong honey?" She asked immediately. Mothers can always tell when something's wrong. 

"I-" Pete started and immediately his eyes began to water and his lip shook and he felt five years old again. "My mum-my family they're not as understanding as you people are. Patrick's so lucky to have you all." He cried into her shoulder. 

"Oh Peter, is that why you're not at your family's place for Christmas?"

"They said I couldn't come back until I married a nice girl." He choked out as he tried to pull out from Mrs Stumps grip and compose himself, she wouldn't let him though, she just pulled him in tighter and rubbed circles into his back slowly. 

"Shhh it's okay Peter, you're welcome here whenever you want. You and Patrick can come over every Sunday and I'll make a big roast, you're both as thin as rakes!" 

"I wish." Pete hiccuped and attempted to wipe his face clean. 

"What do you wish?" Patrick said before Patricia could say anything "Pete?...Are you okay?" 

"I-I have to go to the bathroom" Was the only reasonable excuse Pete could make up to leave right then. He practically ran from the room with his hands covering his face. Fuck, he thought, I fucked this up again I always fuck things up. 

After spending as much time as he thought he could get away with in the bathroom, Pete dawdled his way back to the kitchen silently hoping everyone had left and he could sneak out the door unnoticed. 

"Hey, mum was just telling me how we're going to come over for dinner every Sunday." Patrick smiled like Pete didn't just ruin the plan and his family's Christmas. 

"Really?" Pete asked wearily. 

"Yeah." Patrick replied like it was obvious. "If that's okay with you?" 

"I would really like that." Pete smiled, his face was still red but maybe that was from blushing now instead of crying.

"Good. Now are you boys sleeping here or driving back into the city?" Patricia asked. 

"I better get going, I would hate to be a bother. I could take the train back if Patrick-" 

"You have to stay for Boxing Day leftovers, they're like second Christmas." Patrick said, dismissing any of Pete's protests. 

"....really?" Pete couldn't understand what was happening, why would Patrick want him to stay? He's already met his family and cried to his mum, it's time to head back to his empty dorm room and hate himself for a few days. 

"Yes, I like you. I want you to stay." Patrick explained. 

"Okay well with that decided I'll go get Kevin to set up the air mattress." Patricia said, giving Pete's hand a gentle squeeze on her way out. 

"Really?" Pete asked again once they were alone. 

"Yes. You're cute and funny and my mum really likes you." 

"So do you want to like...hire me for tomorrow, and Sunday's?" Pete still couldn't understand. 

"No. Oh my god, Pete I want to date you." Patrick didn't know how to say it any clearer. 

"Really?!" Pete's eyes almost popped out, "why?" 

"Oh my god." Patrick muttered before placing his hand on the back of Pete's neck and dragging him in for a kiss that he hoped would explain everything.

**Author's Note:**

> happy holidays!!!!! eat many foods and be gay *Black Santa emoji*


End file.
